Gather ’round children. It’s time for Scary Stories With Sam:
*cue flash of lightning and thunder booming in the distance*
You see, it all happened in the darkest hours of the morning. There I lay, blankets pulled over my head to hide from the monsters surely lurking in the corners, and a rainbow unicorn pillow pet clutched to my chest, ready to attack should the monsters become too daring.
But then, suddenly, pain began shooting in my chest. With a gasp I began to flail, certain that my demise was only moments away.
I was having some sort of heart malfunction. That had to be it! At this very moment, that hideous pulsating organ in my chest was probably exploding and preparing to destroy me.
It was at this moment that I realized something. The pain wasn’t coming from my heart, it wasn’t even coming from my chest…
And then I realized yet another thing, something far more crucial. I couldn’t be having any sort of heart explosion, I was heartless! How could I be so silly!
And so, with a dark and bone-chilling chuckle, I closed my demonic, blood-red eyes, and slipped back into my delightful dreams of doom, death, and destruction.