Ayyyyye. It is once again time for another Sad Story of Sam’s Suffering.

I love alliteration.

Anywho, this was my third day of attending previously mentioned college class. And, let me tell you, I have learned so much. Mainly, the fact that I am in no way prepared to handle the responsibility of my own life.

You see, the human body needs food to survive. It is one of our most basic of requirements. Eat. Food. Or. Die.

Generally, this is no problem. Food is one of my great loves. I would eat all the food if it were an option, but I am a kind and generous person. So, I saved some for you. You’re welcome.

Even more so, this should not be a problem because I don’t even have to prepare the food myself while I’m here. I simply paid for a meal plan that covers my breakfast and dinner, and when the time comes, I just walk my way on over to the ‘Food Zoo’ as they call it (not an incredibly attractive name), swipe my fancy card, and go eat as much food as my stomach desires. It’s painfully simple.

Yet, there is another thing that I also value. Sleeping. And this, my friends, is where the conflict arose.

I have my alarm set to 8, class starts at 9 (which I greatly appreciate). So, the idea was, I would get up at 8, go stuff my face with food, return to my dorm room and take some time to mentally prepare myself for the day. You know, admire the view from my window, breath in the fresh air, sacrifice a few cats. Whatever I’m feeling. And previously, it worked fine.

But, today, I instead chose to sleep until 8:50. This, of course, left me no choice but to bypass breakfast and basically anything else I should have done and sprint across campus to get to my class.

It was fine though. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of breakfast. Don’t give me that ‘it’s the most important meal of the day’ stuff. No. Mornings are horrible, and they should not exist. Meaning breakfast is also unnecessary.

However, the problem with this reasoning in my current situation is that I cannot simply put off eating for a few hours and then conveniently prepare myself a midday feast. I didn’t pay to get lunches while I’m here, I’m supposed to just eat two giant meals a day and be fine without lunch.

And clearly you can now see the flaw in my choices this morning. I am running on water and whatever remains of the food I ate last night. It is not a good situation.

Lacking food is bad enough, but the thing is, I also tend to get incredibly bad headaches when I’m stressed. As I am currently. Plus, naturally not eating will give you a headache as well. So, being the incredibly well prepared person that I obviously am, I brought along my hardcore pain meds that knock those headaches right out.

Fantastic. One less problem, right? WRONG! Because these meds also lead me to become incredibly hyper for the first two hours and then even more anxious for the next 3.

So, while my head is telling me that I could totally go run a marathon and then write ten novels and then climb some cliffs, my body begs to differ.

Sweet baby Jesus I need food.

I believe the best option at this moment is for me to go into a temporary hibernation to preserve my limited fuel, and then I shall awake and consume all food in the beloved Food Zoo.