Writing has become a rather stressful process.
For example, at this moment, a small child wearing fuzzy blue pajamas is attempting to crawl into my lap despite the fact that I have strategically selected a stool at least three feet off of the ground. I feel as though I am in the very pits of hell, struggling to avoid the groping hands of the dead as they reach out of their damnation in an attempt to force me to join them.
How does one appease the souls of the damned? Do cookies suffice? Or will it be necessary to make some form of agreement with my soul as the payment?
To be honest, I’m quite open to any solution.
Now, my dearest canine amigo has joined the fray and it appears he is not here to protect me from the attacking child.
Some loyal dog.
Amidst the screeching of the small child who is still in the process of scaling my defensive fortress and the unpleasant sensation of uncomfortably warm dog breath with the occasional drip of drool, there is the focus shattering sound of my mother’s voice asking if I have her finger nail clippers and if I’m finished with my homework and if I’ve done dishes yet and if I’d gotten that paper from that office and if I put gas in the car and if I could babysit the rabid child clawing its way up my leg and if I can even hear her over my music as she has just noticed I have in my headphones.
With a well mastered roll of my eyes, I dramatically turn up the volume even more despite the fact that, at this point, I’m pretty sure the neighbors can hear the music.
However, my mother whom I love so much is unfazed and she simply talks louder in an attempt to overpower it. This is not a battle she will win.
She has begun to eat some sort of unnecessarily crunchy food, I believe it is tortilla chips. And even with the screaming child and dog who has also begun to wail, as he believes he too is a child, along with my music which is surely ruining my hearing for life, I can still. Hear. Her. Chewing.
How is that even possible?
Are there some people who have this villainous gift to chew louder than any other possible noise? Or am I cursed with ears that seek out the sound of teeth mashing nasty food goo?
Either way, I do not appreciate it.