My children, I must type quickly for I do not have much time. They are coming for me.

I have angered them, the overlords, with my sassiness and intense sarcasm. It was simply too much. And now, they are coming to take from me the most precious of my possessions. My electronic devices.

But, this is not the end of their cruelty. No, they are also taking the one thing we all hold sacred. The one thing we treasure above our very lives. Wi-Fi.

I mean, when you think about it, that doesn’t seem very productive. What exactly do they expect me to need Wi-Fi for when I do not have my trusty laptop to watch We Bare Bears clips (if you have not yet discovered this gift from whatever divine deity you believe in, I suggest you make a visit to the YouTubes and do so at this moment. Don’t even finish this post, I am merely a speck of dust on the paw of Ice Bear, unworthy of time that could be spent enjoying the beauty of this creation).

I can hear their stomping footsteps approaching, the anger has clearly not diminished.

Time is short, but fear not.

Should you face a life-threatening emergency, such as the explosion of your brain which will occur when you watch We Bare Bears, I can still be reached by means of carrier pigeon and smoke signals.

My days of joyful Wi-Fiying have forsaken me for an unforeseen amount of time.

But, I shall return. Stronger because of my struggle.

(Also, clean your room and do some dishes. Do not suffer my fate.)

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