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Sam O. Bscure

EVERYBODY WANTS TO SOAR IN AN INSTANT

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Sam ‘n Charlie: Picture Prompt #7


Greetings. Oh, would you look at that! Sam ‘n Charlie! But it’s not Tuesday….

Nothing gets past you, how incredibly observant!

Yes, Sam ‘n Charlie is delayed this week due to multiple unforeseen obstacles. Such as the fact that my brain was a giant pile of mashed potatoes (I’m really getting out of control with these potato references) and I completely forgot.

Anyway, moving right along! Sam ‘n Charlie is here today and, as always, we’d love for you creative little geniuses to use the picture prompt as well if you’re inclined to do so.

You are. Do it.

Artwork property of Charlie Speratis
Artwork property of Charlie Speratis

I remember when the sun used to shine. Everyday, there it would be, high in the sky smiling down on me. There was no darkness, no sadness or pain. I was happy. Always happy.

I remember all of that time I spent laughing and singing, twirling and spinning my way through the fields of blooming flowers. The grass was always green, and while I wandered about in the sunlight, I could feel it’s gentle touch on the soles of my feet as though it was encouraging me on my way.

I remember the birds singing, they were happy too. They flew along beside me and carried their bright tunes with them. They were always there, never leaving me as we continued on, guided by the sun’s rays.

But, then things started to change. They always do, of course. No one can expect the sun to shine forever, at some point it has to burn out. It was subtle at first: a cloud appearing in the endless blue of the sky, flowers wilting and their petals falling, and the birds slowly dropping away and flying back from where we came.

Before I knew it, there was not a trace of the easiness I had known. I was left in silence, alone. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where to go. So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I stopped.

More and more clouds came. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes fixed behind me on the light I’d left behind, but soon there were too many and I learned I had to stop looking back. I tried to stay where I was, afraid of wandering too far away and loosing the only comfort I’d known. But then the rain began to fall, and I learned that I had already lost it and I needed to move on.

I trudged on, my feet sinking into the mud from the pouring rain. I was miserable, I could hardly even remember what it felt like to be happy. Yes, I carried on. Forcing one foot in front of the other. I was moving, but I wasn’t going anywhere.

I fixed my eyes on the horizon, hopeful to see a light in the distance. It was never there though, and eventually my eyes stared at nothing but the ground at my feet.

I hated this. Maybe I couldn’t remember my happiness, but I certainly knew this wasn’t it. I was tired of dragging my feet, endlessly pulling myself through the mud that was pulling back. I knew then that I couldn’t wait for the change to come to me, not like it had when the sun used to shine. I knew that this time, I had to find it.

So, what did I do?

I lifted my eyes. I wiped the rain and tears from my cheeks. I picked up my feet.

And I danced through that rain.

Sam ‘n Charlie On Break


As you all should be aware, today is indeed Tuesday. If this comes as a surprise to you, I believe it is about time you crawled out from under that rock and rejoin society. We all must suffer together, you are no exception.

However, what you may not be as aware of is the fact that Tuesday is Sam ‘n Charlie day. If you are, in fact, very aware of this, then congratulations to you. You are a truly great person surrounded by a sea of averagely great people.

What you are even less aware of is that this week is also Spring Break for us. And so, being the genuinely kind and caring person that I clearly am, I have decided to give Charlie the week off

Okay, I admit. That’s a lie. I was actually completely planning to have Sam ‘n Charlie this week, but the truth is she actually just hasn’t sent me the picture prompt…

She’s probably just busy…right? But what if it was something I said? Maybe she thinks I’m too clingy, maybe she just needs some space.

But, why would she need space? I’m delightful! Right?

What if she doesn’t like me anymore? I thought what we had was special! I bet she’s off somewhere right now drawing pictures for some other blogger…

Whatever. I’m an independent woman! I don’t need me no Charlie!

Who am I kidding…

CHARLIE COME BACK!

Sam vs. Road Trips


Have you ever wanted to just take off on one of those spontaneous road trips? Just you and your buddies, on a wild adventure.

Yeah, me too.

And that’s exactly what I did not do this weekend.

Instead, I spent exactly 5 hours, 23 minutes, and 17 seconds trapped in a torture chamber disguised as a car with the dear woman who gave me life and my step-father.

The first three and a half hours consisted of my mother in the passenger seat complaining that I drive “like a ham-handed goat with no eyes” and stating that she needed her phone so that she could call her family and say goodbye. There was also my step-father leaning forward from the back seat, inhaling incredibly loudly directly into my ear each time another vehicle came within five feet of us.

Then, while I was driving on a completely empty, straight stretch of road (quite safely at the speed limit, I might add), my mother had a sudden outburst declaring that she “could not handle any more of this reckless driving” and demanded that I pull over at that instant.

And so, my ham-hands and I moved to the backseat where we silently glared into the rear view mirror.

But, that was only the first half of this epic journey. In the second half, the roles were reversed and I was the one sending up prayers to the great Lord above, begging him to allow me to return in one piece so that I could tell my dog that I love him one last time.

Based on this, I’ve determined that ham-hands are indeed a trait inherited from one’s mother.

Oh, and we can’t forget the fact that prior to our departure, somebody made a rather questionable decision about what they should eat and they were now releasing some sort of deadly gas that was slowly eating away at my flesh. Although, both my step-father and mother claimed it wasn’t them, and I’m very certain it wasn’t me.

You know what? I bet it was one of those darn pig butts that I evidently have for hands. That must be it, now everything adds up!

And now, road trips are officially added to my List of Loathing.

Please enjoy this photo of my dog frolicking joyously through the forest because it in no way relates to this post and makes me feel slightly less like smashing things (with the hams attached to my arms).

Jarvis frolicking

HAPPY MONDAY!

Sam vs. The Okay


It’s okay, you say. I don’t need their love, I don’t need their time. I’m fine, you say. I don’t need their support, I don’t need their shoulder to cry on.

It’s okay, you say. I don’t need them.

You’re hurting now, you feel more lost than you ever have before. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat, you can hardly even think. It’s all blank, there is no happiness. There is nothing.

It’s okay, you say. I don’t need help, I’ll make it on my own. I’m fine, you say. So what if I’m lost? I’ll figure it out some other day. I don’t care if my whole world is blank, at least now I don’t feel the pain.

It’s okay, you say. I don’t need them.

With each day that passes, you wander farther and farther, you become more and more lost. You travel deeper and deeper into the emptiness. You look into the mirror, but all you see is the hollowness behind your eyes. You don’t know who you are anymore, and you can’t remember who you used to be.

It’s okay, you say. But now it’s becoming more of a question. Am I okay? I thought I was strong, you say. I thought I could take it. You’re so broken now, how could you ever be fixed?

It’s not okay, you say.

No, it’s not okay.

art by Charlie Speratis
art by Charlie Speratis

Sam vs. The Blows


Sam O. Bscure words hurt

There’s no way I’m going to win this

No way this battle will be mine to claim.

So, go ahead

Tear me apart some more

 

Piece by piece

Break me, shatter me

Let all the shards fall to the floor

 

Tell me all the reasons I’m wrong

And when I swing back

Tell me again

 

Pin me down with one more hit

Hold me with your words

I’m prisoner to the venom you spit

 

You are that whisper inside

Reminding me of those past failures

all the times I tried

 

Blow by blow

you tear me down

Shut up, you say

no one wants to hear you now

 

I’m weak and fallen

That’s when you walk away

You turn your back

But expect that soon I’ll be calling

 

I sit alone in my prison

But not for long

I hold the key

And soon I’ll be gone

 

While your back is turned

That’s when I take my chance

I know my mistakes

But now I’ve learned

 

Now I’m strong

You told me all along

The things I’d never be

But you were wrong

 

You were wrong.

 

 

Sam vs. Those Nights


This one’s for the people who spend their nights wide awake long after the sky has gone dark and the rest of the world has slipped off into sleep. They were lucky, they managed to find their way to the escape of the dream world. They could close their eyes and leave behind this reality.

But not you. You’re still trapped, staring up at the ceiling wishing you could turn your thoughts off, or at least lower the volume. There’s no distractions now. It’s just you in the darkness, stuck with that part of you that you keep locked up during the day.

This is for the people who spend their nights wondering what it would feel like to have someone beside you. Those nights when you struggle to remember what it’s like to not be alone. It’s been so long, you can hardly see past the clouded darkness of your present to recall what it was like in your past.

This is for the people who spend their nights scrolling through contacts on their phone, searching for just one person who would listen. There could be countless names, and yet each one illuminated on your screen is just that. A name. You know there is no one to match it who would really be there for you. The relationship is hollow. You long for something more, but it seems like they all are more of an act than anything else.

This is for the people who spend their nights numbing the pain in any way they can, knowing that it will be back in just hours. You run as fast as you can, put as many barriers and walls as you can up around you. But, no matter what you do, it’s still there. Every time you glance over your shoulder, it seems to be getting closer and growing stronger.

This is for the people who spend their nights fighting for their lives against their own mind. You tell yourself all the reasons you can’t quit, all the things that are still left for you to live for. But, each night it sounds less like the truth and more like a rehearsed line.

This one’s for you. You who know what it’s like to have one of those nights.

You who know what it’s like to have one of those nights, and yet continue on into the next.

You continue on into the next because you know that no matter what, there will always be another day.

After every one of those nights, there will always be another day.

Sam vs. September


diy-quote-wall-art_378105-2

Do you remember September? It seems so long ago, more than just a few months. But, I remember. Do you?

That was when you made that mistake. The one that seemed to cause your whole world to shake and fall around you, the one that left you stranded and isolated from everyone you’d called your friends. They turned their backs on you, they whispered about you but not quiet enough that you didn’t hear. They wanted you to hear and they wanted you to hurt. It crushed you, and they got exactly what they wanted.

Do remember that before that, you hadn’t talked to me more than just an occasional ‘Hey, what’s up?’ for months? You didn’t care to hear the details about my life and you didn’t care to tell me the details of yours. But, suddenly you were alone. Suddenly, there was no one left except me.

That’s when you decided to come to me.

It bothered me that I was nothing more than your last resort, but despite that I still reached out to you. I still let you lean on me, cry on my shoulder. I still let you know that you could count on me, always.

I listened, I was always listening as you told me all about what happened. I was there as you poured out your pain to me. I had my own pain too, but I never told you. I tried, but you were so blinded and focused on your own that you really couldn’t see mine.

I’m not blaming you, I’m not accusing you of anything. There’s only so much pain that a person can handle at a time, and you couldn’t handle both of ours. I understand.

There was so much you didn’t know, so much I never told you. You didn’t know that I’d just made it through what was the most challenging summer of my life. You didn’t know that I’d completely lost touch with my reality, or that at the same time I was spinning out of control I was expected to make decisions that would change the rest of my life. You didn’t know just how much I hated myself, just how deeply I believed that I was hopeless. You didn’t know that there were so many days and nights when I was so close to giving up on it all.

At the same time that you were depending on me to hold you up, I was still struggling to climb out of my own pit.

Somehow, I managed though. Look at us now. You’re standing on your own feet again, and while I can’t deny the fact that lately I feel like you’re going back down the same path that started us on this in the first place, you still made it through.

And me? I’ve never felt as sure of where I’m going as I do now. That pit is still in my memory, but that’s all it is. A memory. Each day I can still remember what it feels like, but it doesn’t break me anymore. In the end, all it left me with is a strength that comes only from overcoming and defeating your darkness. And a sense of duty to every other person out there who is still struggling to find their own power.

So, in a weird way, thank you.

There’s only one thing I need to ask of you. Don’t forget September and everything it represents. Remember where you came from, remember who put you there, and remember who got you out.

I’m in no way saying that you owe me, you don’t. I’ll always hold you up and I will never expect anything from you. But, I just want you to remember what it feels like to have someone reach out for you. And I hope someday you’ll pass that on to someone else

Sam vs. The Angels


art by Charlie Speratis
art by Charlie Speratis

She was the kid who you passed in the hallway, but seconds later you couldn’t recall anything about. You might even doubt you saw her at all. You heard her name, you knew it, but there was no face with it. There was a blur, a shadow. That’s all she was, a silhouette. Each day fading more and more.

She cried out, but her screams ricocheted off of the wall between you, trapping them and sending them back to her. They never reached your ears. You never knew. She shouted louder and louder, begging you to hear. Begging you to see past the smile, past the light laughter. Begging you to understand that she wasn’t alright.

But as she grew louder, so did the voices inside. They told her nobody cared, nobody understood. They told her she was broken, she could never be fixed. They told her she wasn’t good enough, nobody wanted her. They shouted she was worthless, they shouted there was no hope for her. They told her she would never be somebody.

 

Give up, they screamed. Give up.

 

She fought them all day, but as the sun set and the dark of night rose, so did her own darkness. They ate her from the inside out, and she did all she could to numb the pain. But there was no substance strong enough to chase them out, they always crawled their way back in.

 

Give up, they screamed. Give up.

Be quiet, she screamed back. Please be quiet.

But they never listened.

 

She sat alone that night, always alone. The tears sliding silently, leaving trails of her pain behind.

I won’t give up, she promised. I won’t.

 

The days turned to weeks. The weeks became months. Each day, she became fainter and fainter. Each day, she walked farther and farther from the light. The pain brought her to her knees. Each day she fell, but there was no one to pull her up.

 

Why don’t they love me, she cried. Why can’t they see?

They don’t care, the voices shout back. They don’t want to see.

 

I have to give up, she whispered. I give up.

We win, they laughed. We win.

 

She was alone, always alone. She let go and her light died.

 

But where were you? Where was I?

Where did we go as that angel came to hold her hand and guide her away from the pain of her world?

Couldn’t we do the same? Couldn’t we reach out a hand?

 

We could save a life.

We could be angels.

Sam vs. Pushing Back the Dark


Sam O. Bscure push back the dark

The darkness. You all know what it is. And somehow, its made its way into nearly all of my posts. It’s never been my intention to write anything that makes this darkness even stronger and more overpowering than it already is. It isn’t my goal to force my darkness onto you.

My goal, the real reason I write about it, is to fight this dark. To push it back. But it isn’t a fight that anyone can win on their own. We all need a team, we all need those people who are willing to be warriors for our cause. This is mine.

But this darkness isn’t a simple enemy. It lurks in our minds, in our thoughts, in the deepest parts of our hearts. How can you fight something you can’t see, something so powerful it can control every part of us? How can you fight something that no knife can pierce, no bullet can wound, no physical weapon can harm? How can you fight the darkness?

You fight it by seeking it out. Search out the most isolated, broken parts of yourself. Gather the shards of your shattered heart. Open the doors to those parts of you that you’ve locked away. Expose yourself to the most painful thoughts. This is where you will find the darkness, this is where it hides.

But finding the darkness is only the beginning of one battle in a long war. When you find the darkness, you can’t let it go. You can’t let it slink away, back into hiding. This is when you need to face your darkness.

The darkness will do all that it can to hold you back, it will try to fight and claw its way back to where it came from. But you can fight too. This is your darkness, in the end you control it. Piece by piece, confront your darkness. And piece by piece, rebuild yourself.

This darkness is a part of you, even when you’ve been rebuilt it will remain. It always will. You can’t destroy it, that would be destroying a part of yourself. But, you can defeat it. You will defeat it. And when you do, the darkness will stop clawing.

At this point, your personal battle is finished. You’ve defeated your darkness. But this isn’t the end of the war. The darkness lives outside of you, and some people have lost the strength to win their own battle. Each day the darkness grows stronger, each day it wraps tighter and tighter around them.  Each day they lose their will to fight, until eventually they give up.

It’s for these people I fight.

I’m going to war, will you be by my side?

Will you push back the dark?

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