Sometimes, I forget how strange people can be.
But, fear not, a situation always comes along to remind me.
Such an occurrence came to pass last night, as I was living it up on a Friday night.
You see, I am but a teenager. A youth still free to make questionable choices under the guise of angsty, rebellious, immaturity. And, without a doubt, I do just that. Some might even say I’m out of control. In the case of last night, things became so intense and out of control that even I had to admit it.
You see, where I live, there are two high schools with a rather fierce rivalry between them. And, last night, there was a showdown between the two via a football game (which we cleverly call ‘crosstown’ as the two schools are across town from one another, we are true geniuses among the average). As you can imagine, an event such as this results in large quantities of alcohol and other such substances that we are not allowed legally to consume being easily accessible. What young and rebellious teen can refuse such an alluring prospect.
Well, I mean, I didn’t go. But, I’m sure it was definitely as great as they all hoped and not at all a rather unpleasant mistake.
Now, I’m not a hater. If that’s what you’re into, do your thing.
But, I was simply far too busy, and I’d already made plans for my Friday night.
So, tune in kids. I’m about to tell you what a real Friday night is like.
In this particular case, I returned home to make the discovery that my parents would be leaving the house for the night and I would be on my own. Ah, yes. Everyone’s dream.
Shortly thereafter, they left to whatever weird adult event they had chosen to attend and thus my night began.
To start, I prepared a box of macaroni and cheese, and I ate it. Straight out of the container (mostly because I had to do dishes later, and I really didn’t want any more than I already had, but whatever). Then, I remembered that I had to feed Jarvis. It’s upsetting how often I have to be reminded of that, poor little critter. And so, went out to retrieve his food dish. When I returned, he was patiently waiting by the door like the absolute angel he pretends to be. I tossed him a single piece of dog food and found myself greatly amused when he managed to catch it in his mouth.
Then, next thing you know, I’ve spent nearly two hours tossing Jarvis his dinner one piece at a time and trying to beat our own record for most pieces caught in a row (40, in case you were curious, we’re looking into pursuing this as a career opportunity, he has real talent).
When, at last, I have tossed him every piece of food, I decided to move on to the next phase of my night. Although, this one is not nearly as exciting as it was simply binge watching various shows on Netflix. I believe that’s all that needs to be said about that one.
By this time, it was well after midnight, and my parents had returned home. They told me to go to bed, as this morning I had to get up quite early, but what they were not aware of was the fact that I had already consumed approximately ten cans of caffeine in the form of Mountain Dew.
So, while I attempted to stop my heart from exploding, they went to bed.
It was at this point of the night, nearly two in the morning, that I decided it was time to make some cookies. This is actually a rather common occurrence for me, to spontaneously decide to make as many different baked omnoms as I possibly can, often at rather unnatural times.
After this, it becomes a little unclear and I’m not entirely sure that I was completely awake.
However, something must have gone quite wrong because this morning, when I once again returned to the world of the living, I saw two pans of cookies on the table. But, instead of individual cookies, they were all run together forming two monster cookies. It was both beautiful and confusing.
And thus, the conclusion of the average Friday night with Sam.
It’s okay to be envious. I would be too, if I were you.