Do you remember September? It seems so long ago, more than just a few months. But, I remember. Do you?
That was when you made that mistake. The one that seemed to cause your whole world to shake and fall around you, the one that left you stranded and isolated from everyone you’d called your friends. They turned their backs on you, they whispered about you but not quiet enough that you didn’t hear. They wanted you to hear and they wanted you to hurt. It crushed you, and they got exactly what they wanted.
Do remember that before that, you hadn’t talked to me more than just an occasional ‘Hey, what’s up?’ for months? You didn’t care to hear the details about my life and you didn’t care to tell me the details of yours. But, suddenly you were alone. Suddenly, there was no one left except me.
That’s when you decided to come to me.
It bothered me that I was nothing more than your last resort, but despite that I still reached out to you. I still let you lean on me, cry on my shoulder. I still let you know that you could count on me, always.
I listened, I was always listening as you told me all about what happened. I was there as you poured out your pain to me. I had my own pain too, but I never told you. I tried, but you were so blinded and focused on your own that you really couldn’t see mine.
I’m not blaming you, I’m not accusing you of anything. There’s only so much pain that a person can handle at a time, and you couldn’t handle both of ours. I understand.
There was so much you didn’t know, so much I never told you. You didn’t know that I’d just made it through what was the most challenging summer of my life. You didn’t know that I’d completely lost touch with my reality, or that at the same time I was spinning out of control I was expected to make decisions that would change the rest of my life. You didn’t know just how much I hated myself, just how deeply I believed that I was hopeless. You didn’t know that there were so many days and nights when I was so close to giving up on it all.
At the same time that you were depending on me to hold you up, I was still struggling to climb out of my own pit.
Somehow, I managed though. Look at us now. You’re standing on your own feet again, and while I can’t deny the fact that lately I feel like you’re going back down the same path that started us on this in the first place, you still made it through.
And me? I’ve never felt as sure of where I’m going as I do now. That pit is still in my memory, but that’s all it is. A memory. Each day I can still remember what it feels like, but it doesn’t break me anymore. In the end, all it left me with is a strength that comes only from overcoming and defeating your darkness. And a sense of duty to every other person out there who is still struggling to find their own power.
So, in a weird way, thank you.
There’s only one thing I need to ask of you. Don’t forget September and everything it represents. Remember where you came from, remember who put you there, and remember who got you out.
I’m in no way saying that you owe me, you don’t. I’ll always hold you up and I will never expect anything from you. But, I just want you to remember what it feels like to have someone reach out for you. And I hope someday you’ll pass that on to someone else