I pick up my keys from where they hang beside the door, slip my arms into the sleeves of my jacket, and lock the door behind me. The air is still, its inky depths absorbing me as I walk to my car which slumbers just beside the curb.
As ease into the driver’s seat, I hesitate before closing the door, wanting to preserve the silence. Holding my breath, I pull on the handle and cringe as it reconnects and encloses me. When I put my key into the slot and start the ignition, the radio immediately springs to life. It’s something loud, with a pulsing beat and indiscernible lyrics. I turn it off and restore the silence. Continue reading “Ghost Towns”→
It was cold. Even for the usual weather of the area, this was considered cold. It was too early for snow, and yet, just hours earlier the delicate white flakes had begun journeying from the clouds to the slowly dying earth below.
I’d been driving then, carefully maneuvering the twisting curves of the road leading through the mountain pass. I cranked up the heat and I tried to bring my focus back onto the yellow and white lines that were rapidly flying past the tires of my car.
But, I couldn’t.
I could only think of you.
Of your arms, warm and comforting around me, already they felt like home. Of your smile and your eyes, of course I had seen them before, but never like this. Of your scent, I had only just come to know it, but already I felt it locked into my heart. I could only think of you, everything about you.
In a way, it frustrated me. I didn’t like to feel out of control, and that’s how you made me feel. I was never the type to lie and climb through windows in the middle of the night. Of course, that was no fault of yours. I have no doubt that you wished we could avoid all of that.
And maybe we could have, but I was too scared to find out.
It didn’t feel like a choice to me. If I didn’t hide you from everyone else, I would lose you. And at this point, I couldn’t bear that. But, at the same time, it felt unfair to you as well as me. Nothing about us was wrong, perhaps we were a little different from the conventional idea, but that didn’t mean it was wrong. So, why did I have to hide it?
That was what I thought as I drove, the white blurring of the snow making it somewhat hazardous.
But I couldn’t stop it, even when I found myself once again in the confines of my own house you were still controlling my head.
Then, I was opening my window late at night and silently making my way to where I knew you would be waiting. A sharp breeze tugged at the edges of the shirt you’d given me last night, it reached nearly to my knees the sleeves hung well past the tips of my fingers, but the fit was perfect.
Ahead of me, at the end of the alley and across the street, your car waited. You’d turned the lights off as you pulled up, I had been watching from the shadow of a neighbor’s shed. You were on edge, it made you nervous to sneak around like this. And it should. It should’ve made me feel the same, but I couldn’t find it in me to care about the risk.
I walked around and pulled open the door, sliding into the warmth. You watched me for a moment, and your hand reached across to wrap around mine. We laughed about the funny sound your car made and we complained about how long the stoplights took to change, and you were no longer worried. Or, at least, you didn’t show it.
Then, you were pulling into the parking lot of the hotel and we were getting out of the car and making our way up to your room. We would stay there for the next few hours, although it would never be enough, and then I would be scrambling back into my room to sleep for the next couple hours before I would have to get up to join reality.
The next thing I knew, we were back in that parking lot. For the last time. You were leaning against my car, and I was leaning against you. We said a goodbye that in some way didn’t seem quite enough, but that was probably easier. You made your way to your car and I opened the door of mine.
As I was pulling away, you reached your arm out of the window to wave to me one last time. But, I pretended I didn’t notice because ‘Shut Up and Dance’ was on the radio and it made me think of last night, and I missed you already.
And once again, I was driving hazardously.
Although, this time my vision was blurred by tears.
Tonight you’re perfect, because we have more in common than you’d like to admit.
I can see it in the hollowness of your eyes, the all consuming void that’s steadily tearing away at your soul. It leaves you blank and without light. I’ve come to know it well.
I can see it in the way your smile drops, vanishing the moment they turn their back. It’s forced, that’s plain to see, and the effort is wearing on you. It’s okay, I share the same fatigue.
I can see it when you scratch at your wrists, tearing at your own skin, feeling betrayed because you’re so uncomfortable in it. Sometimes, it bleeds. And that’s terrifying, because it seems that nothing can protect you from yourself.
I can see it in the way you wander, lost. Not only now, not only here, but in every way. You’ve lost direction and hope. All of that withered away, and now you’ve just become an empty vessel that used to carry so much promise. I know, I’m just as empty as you.
I can see it in you, I can see you in me.
I can see what a mess you are, how broken you are.
But that’s alright with me, because tonight you’re perfect.
Thoughts will be the death of me
The constant battle
Between bad and good
Right and wrong
Black and white
Uncertainty is the king
Ruling with a cold soul
My head is a mess
Imperfection is beauty,
But what about this bloodshed
This war-torn land inside
Is that beautiful too?
Why is it that some people can send you into full rage mode without even truly doing anything?
Perhaps they breath a little too loudly for you, and the next thing you know, you have a pen (obviously one of those pens you steal from banks, why waste a quality one) ready to pierce their throat and stop them from breathing for eternity.
I hate it, because then I seem like the one in the wrong. Which, clearly, I’m not.
And how else do you explain that?
“Oh, no! You don’t get it, they’re in the wrong here. They were breathing!”
Yet, we can also go to the complete opposite end of the spectrum.
When someone who we just think is the coolest thing since sliced bread does something utterly terrible, we don’t even care. They could spit on our face and we wouldn’t care. In fact, we would probably vow right there to never again bathe in an effort to preserve this precious gift from a god.
Hump day, the halfway point, the day I’m supposed to have off of work but that was somehow forgotten by my manager. Thanks Barb, you’re a real pal.
In other news, my eldest brother is to be wed this upcoming Saturday to his betrothed. Oh, yes. How adorable. Flowers and sparkles and unicorns for all the children of the world.
Now, I’m not saying it won’t be great and touching and all that Hallmark card sappiness. I’m thrilled for both of them honestly. They’re great together, quite an ideal couple if I do say so myself (not that I would know much about that), it’s enough to make a puppy sick with the sweetness of it all.
So, what is it then that has ol’ Sam bitter? It is the fact that I despise social gatherings of the family nature on a hellishly fiery level. They are brutal. I’m sure you all can understand where I’m coming from. The weird uncle lurking in the corners, that aunt that feels the need to invade your personal space more than anyone ever should, and all other delightful members of a mildly to severely dysfunctional family unit.
As a bonus to this fantastic package, there is also the add on that my mother is the type of person who’s normal inside voice is the equivalent of any other person’s yelling and she thrives on conflict in a slightly twisted manner. Although she brings up quite frequently how much she despises it, it’s an even more common occurrence for her to be skipping and dancing her way around making uninvited entrances into every possible conversation whilst loudly expressing her opinion and slaughtering yours like an innocent baby lamb. It’s gruesome. My mother is that person that your mother always avoided at picnics and potlucks.
Love is a beautiful thing, let me tell you. Almost as beautiful as the fire that I will most certainly be setting ablaze this Saturday shall be.
So, I’ve been challenged by Caitlin the Teen Daydreamer to do this, and first I’d like to thank her because this challenge was…well…challenging. And Sam loves a good challenge.
Write a poem about love and title it ‘Love in Ten Sentences’
It must have ten lines, each four words long
Every line must contain the word ‘love’
At the end of the poem, you must include a favorite quote about love
Then, challenge fifteen other bloggers
Is love about me
Is love about you
Love is about us
Is love something won
Is love something taken
Love is something given
Is love feeling pain
Is love feeling joy
Love will feel all
Love will survive all
If you haven’t checked out Caitlin’s poem yet, you can here and you most certainly should. She clearly has her poetry game in a completely different league from mine, perhaps even a different sport.
I’m not going to specifically nominate anyone due to the fact that a lot of you have already done this, and there are so many awards going around right now that it’s gotten a little overwhelming. But, if you haven’t done this challenge, you really should. It is only ten sentences after all… Just ten little, four word sentences….
And when you post it, I’d love to read them because I think it’s awesome how unique and different they all are. So, leave me a link!
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt
Alas, I have returned from my brief hiatus (shout out to the great and powerful OM, I know that’s pretty much his favorite thing for bloggers to say) and let me tell you, I have missed you all so very much.
Especially you, you incredibly attractive person. Wow, you are just on point today. I’m digging those shoes, and that is quite the snazzy shirt you’ve got there. And did you get a haircut? It looks real nice. Dang, you are just lookin’ fine.
Anyway, in case you were not aware, today is in fact Tuesday. Of course, that inevitably means that today is also the day for your weekly dose of Sam ‘n Charlie.
If you missed the last post, you can check it out here, and as always feel free to use the picture prompt created by Charlie Speratis and leave your link. We both would love to see what it inspires you to write.
Her small hands pressed against the cold glass of the window, her breath leaving a foggy mark as she leaned closer to gaze outside. It was dark out, the sun had set long ago and all that could be seen now were the stars as they danced about the sky and the moon looking down to watch.
But it was beautiful, magical to her young and untainted mind. She could hear the voices of the stars, singing and calling her name. They begged her to come dance with them, they begged her to join them. She could see the moon, smiling down at her, promising to show her secrets and things she had never even imagined.
She spun around away from the window, and hurried over to the front door. Without a thought, she turned until the lock released. She twisted the knob and gasped in delight as the brisk night breeze rushed at her, wrapping around her hand and leading her forward. It pulled her along, away from the hollowness of the house she left behind. She skipped and jumped from stone to stone as it guided her down the path.
The stars above cooed in delight and whispered their encouragement, their twinkling light captured in the depths of her own twinkling eyes. She smiled and waved to them, twirling and spinning as she danced with the breeze. At last, they lifted off, the ground fading rapidly beneath them.
The breeze swirled off into the sky, stars rushing in to take its place. They held her and lifted her higher and higher. They danced with her and carried her and gave her their light.
She looked down from where she was so high above, and she heard the mourning cries. She saw the tear streaked faces, illuminated by the flickering candle light. And she saw herself, although no longer the same, now it was just the hollow house of her soul left behind. Broken and weak, sad and pained.
But that was left behind too.
She was happy now, she was free.
Blowing a kiss to the world down below, she wished them the best and said her goodbyes.
Then, she let the stars carry her away to dance and to sing for the rest of their nights. To shine down their heavenly light.
In her life, Charlie Speratis (the amazing artist for this blog) has been through so much loss and pain. More than anyone as young as she is should ever have to. The story is hers to tell, and not mine, so I won’t go into detail. But, for the majority of her years, she has had an extremely hard challenge to overcome, the loss of her mother,
For me, personally, I can’t even imagine what that would be like, how hard that would be. So, I’m not going to pretend to really understand.
And now, she has just been forced to face yet another loss of someone who was very close to her.
So, I’d just like to ask all of you to send your love, prayers, and support Charlie’s way.