Sam O. Bscure




Sam vs. Sam 2.0

Are you ready? Did you make your resolutions, put up your ‘new year, new me’ post that everyone loves to hate, and, of course, make a few of those awful ‘see you next year’ jokes? For some of you, the new year has already started, but where I’m at I’ve still got a few hours.

Personally, I’ve never made a huge deal about the new year. What’s the point in making promises to yourself that you’ll almost inevitably break? Why spend a day to look back on your past when you could be charging forward into your future?

But, at the same time, I can’t help but be caught up in the need for change. I crave the hopefulness that comes with the idea of creating a new and improved version of myself, Sam 2.0.

With all the hype, I feel like I can do anything. I could finish that book I’ve been struggling to write, each day fewer and fewer words appearing on the page. I could actually clean my room, instead of just shoving everything into the corners. I could get serious about my running again, stop putting it off until spring. This Sam 2.0 would be awesome.

When the excitement of the new year dies down, so does my drive. That’s the problem we all face. Without the force to drive us forward, the You 2.0 falls apart and fades back into the old routine.

So, how do we fix it? Believe me, if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be the severe procrastinator that I am or have a life so disorganized and chaotic that I can hardly know what’s going on. But, maybe we’ve all been focusing on the wrong idea. Maybe its less about creating that You 2.0 and more about finding the real, original You.

Nobody’s perfect, and setting unattainable goals isn’t going to bring us any closer to it. Instead of trying to remake yourself, and do nothing about everything, we need to accept who we are and do everything about that one thing.

Before you can be a better you, you need to know who you are. For this new year, don’t worry about those resolutions and goals. Throw that paper into the fire, delete that post. Destroy it. This year, find yourself. When you do that, everything else will fall into place.

Happy New Year


Sam vs. The Favorite Child

It looks like the ideal family, sitting around the table playing a game together. Taking turns rolling the dice, trying to be the first to 10,000 points. And as long as you keep the scene on mute, everything is great.

But, its when you start hearing the words that the problems start. She’s talking about how great it is that he came home from college to visit. Oh, yeah, and the other brother showed up too. That’s nice.

What about Sam? Who- Oh, right. That other creature I gave birth to. If we could only get rid of that one, then this would really be perfect. Her eyes are narrowed now, looking away from the chosen one over to the parasite that somehow snuck into her family.

Why can’t you be more like your brother, she snarls, I raised you better than this. My eyes have glazed over now, her words hardly making it to my ears. 2,000 more points, then I’m free.

Now her focus is back to her golden child, is he seeing this disrespect? Does he see what she has to deal with? If I hate it so much here, why don’t I go somewhere else? Her perfect family could finally be complete.

I swear I won’t let a single tear fall. I gave up on that years ago. What good would it do me anyway? I don’t care what she says, its not true. If I keep telling myself that, maybe I can believe it. Just 1,700 more points, why won’t these dice just let me win? They must be loaded.

She keeps glancing over, looking for my reaction, waiting for me to crack. But that won’t happen, she’s already emptied me out. I’m hollow. I still feel the pain, but it has stopped giving an immediate effect. It just piles up, filling my shell, waiting for the grand finale.

And I’m waiting too. Waiting for my chance to prove everything she’s ever said is wrong. It drives me, motivates me. I want to escape, get away from here and really be someone.

But, I feel the need to do it alone. I don’t want help, I don’t want to depend on or owe anyone. I want to be able to look back and say ‘See? I didn’t need you anyway.’ Its nearly impossible, I know. But, that’s what I’ve been driven to.

So, you can keep your favorite child. Your golden boy. The one who does no wrong. And you can keep pushing me, further and further. But, don’t expect me to stay. Someday, my hollowness will be filled, you’ll push me too far. And I’ll be gone.

You can have your perfect family, I want no part of it.

Sam vs. The Christmas Cactus

So, this is my Christmas post. And although I am aware that today is not Christmas, lets just pretend I posted this yesterday and that I don’t have a severe procrastination problem.

But, to be honest, I’m still not really feeling the whole ‘inspirational Christmas post while secretly bragging about all the awesome things you got’ vibe. Maybe that’s just because the coolest thing I got was a pooper scooper.. Whatever, I’m not mad. I’m not jealous of your new TV, that super sweet sports car you got, or whichever gaming system you got. Nah. I’m not bitter.

You know why? Because I’ve got something way cooler. Something I can almost guarantee you don’t.

I’ve got a Christmas Cactus. Who’s jealous now?

I’m sure you all just shed a silent tear or two, wishing that it was YOU who had this magnificent creature. But you know what, since I’m such a genuinely kind person and in the spirit of Christmas, I’m going to share my Christmas Cactus with you.

Oh Christmas Cactus, Oh Christmas Cactus....
Oh Christmas Cactus, Oh Christmas Cactus….

Just like you did when you posted countless pictures of you with all your shiny new toys on every form of social media you could possibly find. Thanks, I really appreciated that.

I’m really not jealous. Obviously.

Merry Christmas!


Sam vs. The Darkness

I never thought it would be like this, never thought it could hurt this bad. It’s like a knife cutting through me, slowly moving, day by day, closer to my heart. I could feel It more and more as time passed. At first It was just a hum in the back of my mind, but then It started to grow and take me over completely.

Even then, I didn’t think it mattered, I thought I was strong enough on my own. But, when It got out of control the first time, I had no choice. They trapped me in a mental straight jacket. Unsure what they should really do, they just filled me with drugs and set me up on a high shelf where I would be safe. But, I was also alone and left with only It’s darkness fighting in my mind.

The drugs left me as nothing more than a shell of who I was, but to them it was better. They could control this empty, emotionless girl. It was the dark, all consuming monster I was on my own that they were afraid of.

I was afraid of It too, I didn’t like the constant blackness filling me or the thoughts It created. But I hated the trapped feeling the drugs gave me even more. I didn’t want to be dependent on some pill for who knows how long, I wanted to be in control of myself. So, I stopped taking it.

I was alone when It came back again, and this time It was much more sudden, and stronger. The knife pushed deeper and It was no longer a quiet hum. It had become a constant presence that pulsed in my veins and latched onto my mind.

I was numb.

It became louder, thoughts of suicide forced their way in and like a parasite they fed off of the darkness filling me.

I don’t want that, I promise I don’t. But, I’m lost. Its dark and I’m alone.
It’s stronger than me, I know that now.

Sam vs. Tiny Death Star

The Death Star

Heyo! I’m sure you’ve all been missing me, and even if you haven’t I’m just going to pretend that you have. I like to think that people actually notice when I disappear for a few days… So, I would thoroughly enjoy at least fifty messages telling me how much you missed me.

And on that note, I’m sure you’re all also just dying to know exactly why I vanished so mysteriously. Well, it was partly because I’ve been busy. But mostly because I just wasn’t feeling the whole writing vibe and I have a major procrastination problem. I need help. To be honest, I’ve spent the majority of the past two days avoiding my homework and becoming addicted to Tiny Death Star. That game really isn’t even fun… I seriously need help…

In case you were wondering, it was also my birthday on Saturday. So, of course on Friday night I had to party pretty hard. Yeah. I drank at least three Mountain Dews. Put a party hat in my dog. And stayed up till midnight. It was insane. Needless to say, I was pretty wiped out from all the partying by Saturday morning.

Overall, my birthday was average. Just like pretty much every other day of my life. In case you haven’t noticed by now, I am not a very exciting person.

But it’s all good, I’m over it. Who needs excitement and adventure in their life anyway? Not me, obviously.

Looking back over this, I’m not entirely sure why I titled it with ‘Tiny Death Star’…. That really wasn’t the point. Sorry to those of you who thought this post would be somehow related to Star Wars. I can be very misleading.

Just a Quote

“Run… Just run. Don’t look in any other direction, and when the time is right and you feel strong and whole, glance to the side and look to see who is running next to you.”

I found this quote yesterday, and I’ve gotta say I love it. So, I figured I should put it on here.. Because I have no where else to put it.

For me, personally, it has a whole meaning that is probably completely different from how you see it. So, I’m not going to tell you what it means or how you should see it. I’ll leave that up to you. I don’t know your life, so I’m not going to talk about it and act like I do. But, I do know this single quote has enough meanings to relate to just about anyone, and I hope you take some time to think about it in regards to you.


Sam vs. The Mondays

So, this post is going to be pretty short. Unfortunately, I’ve come down with a chronic case of the Mondays.. This particular case is so severe that its lasted into Tuesday and has the potential to continue for the rest of the week.

In case you didn’t know, The Mondays is a common disease with no cure. While some specific strains have symptoms so strong that they can cause you to become physically incapable of any form of functioning, these are only in extreme cases. The most seen symptoms are: tiredness, laziness, grumpiness, aggression, and a complete hijacking of the brain convincing you’ve come down with a cold and absolutely have to stay home from school or work.

If you, or someone you know, suffer from a case of the Mondays, it is recommended that you avoid people you dislike, people you like, people you kind of like, people you don’t know, people you do know, and especially people you find annoying. It is also recommended that you avoid places with the above listed people. The most crucial thing to avoid when suffering from the Mondays is anything involving math, science, reading, writing, speaking, and any form of thought.

While properly following these guidelines will protect you from most unpleasant situations while under the influence of the Mondays, the only sure way to avoid any mishaps, confrontations, brain explosions, or brain implosions is to simply lock yourself in a small room with no access to the outside world.

For those of you currently suffering from the Mondays, you are not alone. I feel your pain. And I would recommend leaving this site immediately, I’ve already started breaking out in a rash from all of this reading and writing… And for those of you not currently suffering from the Mondays, I would recommend avoiding anybody who is unless you wish to receive a potentially life threatening injury.

I love Mondays…..

And by love I mean I absolutely despise them.

Sam vs. The Random Prompt Generator

bad computer


Shout out to all my loyal followers! And by that I mean the two people who accidentally found my blog and then while desperately trying to leave it accidently pressed the follow button… I see no difference.

So, I’m not gonna lie. I’m suffering from some chronic writer’s block at the moment. Naturally, when I have a problem, I turn to the most reliable source I can find. Google. But, it turned out that Google just wasn’t in mood to help me. So I had to go with Plan B, Bing. And that was probably my first mistake.

But I was desperate. So I frantically typed in “random prompt generator” and clicked on the first link that popped up. Second mistake. Now, I’m not going to reveal the name of this site for their sake. Obviously they’re already having some problems, I don’t think they need any more.

How bad are their problems, you may be wondering? Well, let me just share a few of their prompts with you. The first one that popped up was I enjoy food… That’s it. Is that really even a prompt? But, that’s not even the worst part. You’d think that after that I would move on to another site, but oh no. I spent at least twenty minutes on the same generator.

As I’m writing this, I’m realizing just how much of my life just wasted away… Its tragic really. That site sucked the very life out of my heartspace. The only way for you to truly understand my situation is for you to experience a few more of those prompts.

1. Have you ever made somebody cry? Why?
No, I’ve never made somebody cry! What kind of person does that? (Just kidding, when I was in kindergarten I punched a kid in the face and he cried. That’s why you shouldn’t steal my cookies. But, that was the only time, I swear!)
2. What would have happened if you hadn’t left your house this morning?
Well…. I haven’t left my house all day…
3. When I’m angry…..
I turn into a giant, green, rage monster.
4. If I were a flower, I’d be….
….. Yeah, I’m not answering that one.
5. What sets you apart from the crowd?
My awkwardness. Literally, it sets me apart because nobody wants to be around it…..
6. High school…
’nuff said.
7. How old would you be if you didn’t know your age?
I’m pretty sure I would still be the same age..?

And now I just turned twenty minutes of wasted life into almost an hour…Well played random prompt generator, well played.

Sam vs. The Widgets

Made it to my second post, and I even managed to figure out some of those crazy widgets! That took an unnecessarily long time.. Technology and I, we don’t get along. With that being said, I’m not exactly sure why I’m using this site. I should probably go back to carving my thoughts into stone with a chisel. That would defiantly be safer for my tablet. Did you know throwing them against things does not make them work better? I tried. Many times.

Anyway, I started checking out some other peoples’ stuff and I’ve gotta say there are some amazing writers here. Which in a way, that’s kind of unfortunate for me considering everything I’ve said so far is about at the level of a five year old.. Taking some notes would probably be a good idea. However, I also tend to have the attention span of a five year old as well. So that could be pretty challenging.

But, enough about that. The real reason I’m writing this is to tell you a little something about me. In case you didn’t figure it out yet, my name is Sam and to be honest I’m probably one of the most boring people you’d ever meet. I don’t do any extreme sports, I’m a runner. Yeah. The only sport I’m good at is something that pretty much anyone can do. In one word, I’m ordinary.

When I think about who I want to be, though, ordinary is not the word I would use. Its not even on the top 50 list. I want to be someone that people actually know. I don’t mean I want to be a celebrity or a millionaire or anything like that. I mean I just want to do something with my life, something that impacts other people in the best way possible. I’m not going to lie, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to be famous. I don’t know anyone who can honestly say they don’t want to be famous. I just want it to be for the right reasons. Not because I look a certain way or act a certain way. I want it to be because instead of being what people say I need to be, I am what I say I want to be.

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